Was I molested?

Dear K,  

Regardless of how you decide to define your experience, your feelings are valid. You and only you have the power to define your experience. That being said, sexual assault is often used to describe situations in which someone was touched inappropriately without their consent. There are many different types of sexual assault and names for each. However, when the survivor is so young, it’s often called molestation. This signifies the unwanted touching of a minor, but its legal definition is a bit trickier to identify.

Why can labeling your experience be helpful?

Labels can be comforting in understanding your experiences, useful when talking about them with others, or helpful if you’re seeking community. Labels can help you understand what happened and process your emotions in response to it. If you end up seeking out community, it can be helpful to use these labels to communicate with others about shared experiences. If you decide to speak with a mental health professional, the words you use can help them to better understand your experiences and how they make you feel.

Legally speaking, terms vary across state and country borders, especially when you get into details like different degrees of certain offenses. However, using labels in this way can still be extremely helpful if you ever decided to press charges because they can determine how someone would be charged.

What do these terms you mentioned mean? 

• Sexual assault refers to any sexual act that is done without the willing consent of the other person. The term is broken down into degrees in some states based on the type of offense. 
• Sexual misconduct is a very general designation for a wide variety of acts including harassment, rape, or even incest. 
• Molestation refers to the inappropriate touching of a minor by any individual. Any sexual contact with someone below the age of consent—which can be different from state to state—is by definition done without their consent. This term can also fall under the umbrella of sexual assault. 

What words can you use to define your experience?  

When searching for the right words to describe your experience, you might find that molestation is the most appropriate. Molestation specifically recognizes the young age of the survivor, and it seems like your experience could fall under this category. 

However, it’s entirely up to you to decide which term(s) feel most appropriate or accessible to you. In seeking this clarification, you may find that having some support helps process the experience. This support may include mental health providers or advocacy groups that bring together survivors of similar experiences. You may also find other support closer to home such as friends or family, if you feel comfortable approaching them. 

What can you do if you’ve been molested? 

There are several resources specific to supporting survivors of sexual assault, including those committed during the survivor’s childhood. Some of these resources include: 

• Rape, Abuse, and Incest National Network (RAINN) has resources for survivors, as well as resources for adult survivors of child abuse. 
• The National Sexual Violence Resource Center provides a wide variety of information related to sexual violence, including a large legal resource library. 

If you’re considering legal action, you may want to consult a lawyer in your area. A lawyer will be better versed in the intricacies of sexual assault law in your area and can help you find the right path to pursue. 

There are endless combinations of words and resources to describe and help you understand your experiences.  Hopefully finding the right ones can help you on your healing journey.