How can boyfriend with cerebral palsy get in touch with his body?

Dear Reader, 

It’s great that you’ve found someone that you care for who feels the same way about you! Unfortunately, ableism, which is favoring able-bodied people over those with disabilities, can rear its head in all sorts of scenarios. People with disabilities may experience harassment or even exclusion from mainstream society. They might also experience poor mental health or low self-esteem because of the perceived stigma of having a disability. Fortunately, your desire to show affection and help your boyfriend feel more comfortable about himself may increase his self-confidence, regardless of if your actions are physical or not. Read on for some strategies for balancing yours and your partner’s desire for physical touch. 

While you might choose to express your love through hugs or kisses, not everyone enjoys physical touch. Although you say your boyfriend doesn’t know how to interpret it, maybe he prefers to receive love another way. A lack of physical touch doesn’t necessarily mean a lack of love. People may just have different ways of showing their appreciation for others. And when it comes to showing your appreciation physically, consent to touch is essential whether it’s sexual or not. 

As you mentioned, your boyfriend might be dealing with frustration and low self-esteem from his experience living with cerebral palsy. This could be from the negative stigma or discrimination that people with disabilities sometimes face, or it could be a more internal struggle. It might be worth it to talk with him about the best ways to show each other you care. During these conversations you might find that you have to make a compromise on what kinds of affection he wants to receive from you. To help ease any potential discomfort with these conversations, check out the Communicating and Relating fact sheet for tips on how to approach these types of conversations. 

You mention wanting to help your boyfriend feel more comfortable in his body, which is a great way to care for a partner. If he’s open to discussing it, you might think about asking him some of these questions: 

• In what way does physical affection make you feel comfortable? In what ways does it make you uncomfortable? 
• Is there anything you prefer I do to express my affection instead of hugging, kissing, and other physical acts? 
• Is there anything you would like to explore about yourself and your body? What about other parts of yourself? Would you like to explore this on your own, with me, or with professional guidance? 
• What are your favorite things about yourself? Would it be helpful for me to compliment those things when I express my love? 
• How has cerebral palsy played a role in these feelings or views towards yourself? What about your views of other people and of relationships? 

You might also try to help him build his self-confidence by directing him to resources like mental health support groups and disability advocacy organizations. Resources like peer support groups for people with cerebral palsy or other disabilities could help him connect with those who have faced similar struggles. Additionally, nonprofit organizations like United Cerebral Palsy advocate for individuals with cerebral palsy to help them break down barriers like discrimination in education or health care. 

With time and support, your boyfriend may begin to see himself how you see him—a wonderful, intelligent, caring, and attractive man who just happens to have cerebral palsy.