Do male-identified people have body image concerns?

Dear Reader and M,  

Kudos to both of you for reaching out. It can be really painful to be unhappy with yourself and how you look. It can also be hard to watch someone you care about feel this way about themself. Whether it’s you or your loved one who’s uncomfortable with their appearance, there are ways to redirect the thoughts and discussions you have with yourself and others. Focusing on other parts of yourself or seeking guidance from a mental health professional are possible steps toward reducing negative self-talk. Read on for more information about how to view your own body or help someone else view their body with more generosity. 

Restricting what you eat and constantly body checking (obsessively looking at yourself in mirrors, weighing yourself, or pinching fat) might be a sign of disordered eating and body dysmorphia. Body dysmorphia occurs when someone is fixated on a perceived flaw in their appearance to the point that it affects their daily life. However, these perceived flaws aren’t often noticed or visible to others. While research on eating disorders and disordered eating focuses mainly on women’s experiences, anyone, regardless of gender, can experience body dysmorphia and eating disorders.  

Some people develop eating disorders because of how they experience the pressure to meet unrealistic beauty and body standards. This might be why your boyfriend views himself as fat, whereas you think your boyfriend is “built.” He might be comparing his body to idealized presentations of masculinity on social media or elsewhere. 

While seeking validation about body image can provide some temporary relief, it may not have positive long-term effects. These types of conversations may contribute to self-consciousness, affirm negative feelings, or even enable disordered eating and body behaviors. The reassurance may not even be supportive if they believe that flaw about themselves exists.  

Instead, you might try finding out the underlying reason for him asking about how he looks. For example, if he asks whether he looks fat, you might try investigating whether he’s feeling anxious, sad, or something else entirely. Focusing on what he’s feeling can help him step away from needing affirmations and towards feeling better. If you do want to give him a compliment, try sticking to things that don’t have to do with his weight or appearance. Maybe you could try praising aspects of his personality, like his humor or intellect.  

If you yourself are experiencing body image issues, you might also want to consider changing the way you talk to yourself. Repeatedly ragging on yourself can begin to take a toll on your overall happiness. Instead, you might consider subscribing to either body positivity or body neutrality, depending on what feels more natural to you. Body positivity encourages everyone to love their bodies no matter what it looks like. Body neutrality takes a more neutral approach—instead of loving or hating your body, you don’t assign value to the way you look. It’s ok if neither of these feels right, but taking the time to do more research into both and learning about what works well for you can bring you some relief from constantly worrying about your weight.  

While these strategies may help ease these feelings, it may also be helpful to seek more support or suggest that your partner seek additional external support. A mental health professional is trained to understand the signs and symptoms of eating disorders and body dysmorphic disorder. If appropriate, they can make a diagnosis and provide resources to alleviate these feelings of stress.  

Wishing you both the best moving forward,